Friday, April 19, 2013

Lochal weddings and all that trash

Í'm sorry for taking so long. I had a kidney stone and i'll leave the gory details for another day.  PROMISE!

In the meantime, I'll be gentler this time with the tone (don't ask, maybe my stone was a sign of karma being a bitch or something, but i'm being nice today!)

I attended my sister in law’s wedding last Thursday and my sister pointed out something to me. She looked at me and said “the wedding is boring. Actually, all local weddings are boring!” this got me thinking as a matter of fact. They actually are. Our weddings are not about two people joining their lives together and expressing their love for each other (yeah well most of them are arranged anyway) their weddings are simply about a social commitment you expect people to fulfill whether you like them or not. It’s not about inviting people who will be happy for you and your loved ones; it’s basically about inviting people to make sure they don’t get upset even if it means that you ALREADY know that they won’t attend. And when they don’t attend, you get upset and revenge by not attending a wedding in their family.. Then they get upset.. What a chain reaction! When my (half American) cousin got married, her mother didn’t invite the whole family and everything related to us to the wedding. She basically invited those who her daughter holds dear to her heart. You know what happened?? Nothing. Those who were invited were the ones who attended and those who weren’t invited were not going to attend anyway. Plus it didn’t matter to them so it was a win win situation. The wedding was amazing. It was a small intimate posh ceremony and all attendees were the people who were truly happy for the bride and groom. The bride danced, the groom danced with her and everybody was just dancing. It was what weddings are supposed to be. A happy happy occasion. My wedding on the other hand, was a typical local wedding. I honestly didn’t want it to be that way, but my mother invited EVERYONE. You know what happened? My aunts did not attend, because my eldest aunt hates my mother’s guts (in laws, please refer to an older post to understand the whole dilemma). Here are the details. Okay I loved the fact that it was sort of over the top, but I wanted less attendees. I wanted an intimate wedding with half the people who were invited. It was funny that when my mother was putting the list of who she wanted to invite she was writing down the list and saying “okay I’m inviting flaneh, but she won’t attend anyway” okay... So... You invite people you know would not attend, but you get mad anyway. Seriously... WHY?  And then there’s this other issue with weddings. Why can’t the bride express her happiness and dance with her friends. It’s her WEDDING DAY! It’s the day of her happiness isn’t it? Don’t lots of brides feel happy about their wedding day? So why can’t I just stand up on that stage and just DANCE? If I can turn back time I’d freaking dance on my wedding night and I wouldn’t care what everybody thinks. I’d want everybody to stand up, dance and have the time of their lives. That’s what weddings should be all about.. happiness. They’re not about proving to others how polished everything should be (okay they are, but there are other priorities) I kept telling my mother for months that I didn’t want to invite lots of people and I wanted people to dance and have fun. I’m against asking dancers to come and dance at a wedding, because I believe dancing is a sign of happiness and only people who are happy for the bride and groom should dance and express their happiness for the truly wed. my sister in law’s wedding was all about formalities. She married a cousin she hadn’t seen until her wedding day. So here wedding was about the fact that it should be as big as her sister’s wedding (who married a cousin she hadn’t met until her wedding too, but that’s not the point). Everytime I attend a wedding, it’s about the formalities. I attend because I’m invited. I’m invited because I’m a relative, or a friend, or a friend of a friend, or a friend of a relative. Being invited to a wedding isn’t about you being special and held dear to the bride or groom. It’s just about filling the ballroom with the biggest number of people possible and that makes no sense to me. I really hope the belief transitions into smaller ceremonies with lots of happiness where we can all laugh, dance and have fun! I want to see a journey far away from all these social beliefs about weddings and understand that a wedding is a symbol of joining the lives of two people. A wedding is a celebration of love, happiness and acceptance to the journey ahead. Celebrate with me, because life is a satire.

Ps. untitledchapters, thank you for accepting me as part of the female emirati writers! iyou have given me a motive to write more entries!


Friday, February 8, 2013

engagements, marriages and babies are top secret missions in the lochal lairs

What’s cooking in the chambers of every lochal house? Oh yes I haven’t uploaded an entry in a long time. Shut up and read (and I mean it in a very friendly loving way). It’s funny how lochal households work. Everyone is in everybody’s business. Everybody knows who’s moving out, who had their driving license, who’s building a house.. etc. etc. then marriage and engagement comes in the picture and eeeeeeeeeeeverybody just keeps it all secretive and hidden. So where does this fit in the picture? Friday is a family gathering day, I’m sure it happens in every Emirati house (my parents house is no exception). My mother in law is always up my ass asking about why my married sister isn’t pregnant with her third child yet, which is weird considering the fact that I didn’t know about my sister in law’s pregnancy until she gave birth to her eighth child (or seventh, I don’t know I lost count I’m sorry.. when you have 5 sisters in law you simply lose count). Hiding such information doesn’t offend me or make me feel jealous. Seriously why would I? but when it comes to the fact that they hide such information and expect me to give away similar info.. okay I get confused.. thirty minutes ago his highness has sent me a bbm message telling me about his sister’s melcha.. She’s been engaged for five months and I politely tried to avoid asking about when she’s getting formally engaged because I believe things like this are strictly personal. And I’m in no situation to ask about such stuff. But when your mother in law asks about such stuff when it comes to your family you expect it to be okay.. then her own daughter has her melch and you as a daughter in law are excluded from the knowledge.. well I’m confused.. if they have the right to except my sister to pop a kid every year then.. why are they all hushed about it. Are news of marriage and babies that shameful?? I know prophet mohammed has said “اقضوا حوائجكم بالكتمان” but not radically LOL! Anyway I wish my sister in law all the best. All of you brides to be, enjoy it to the max and may God grant you all the happiness in the world. Celebrate with me, because life is a satire

Sunday, December 30, 2012

aren't we supposed to be sisters?

New day, new entry. I guess married life is always full of surprises. When I first got married (and I’m sure all of you feel the same way) I expected friendlier in laws (oh we’ll leave those for another entry for sure, FOR SURE). There is something I don’t understand, I mean if you have a married brother in law you might get it. Unless you were the first daughter in law, then you’d be on the other side of this entry! (which I hope NOT). Okay, here’s this thing; after my honeymoon, I got to meet my brother in law’s wife and FYI she’s the first daughter in law. Okay jealous sisters in law.. I understand that, I kinda sort of do! Okay I stole their brother bla bla bla whatever! But the brother in law’s wife.. why on earth would you just feel so threatened by the existence of a brother in law’s wife? I mean really.. WHY?! It’s not like I stole your husband or anything! So anyway, my brother in law’s wife is sweet. We never tried to get along because we live too different lives and we have totally nothing in common, but I guess we’re both way too formal with each other. I mean, it never occurred to me why she’s never there when I’m there. I just assumed she’s busy with her family, her mother, her sisters and she probably have her own schedule or “routine”. Of course I noticed her trying to push her sister in my husband’s way. E.g. we were at my in laws’ and she calls her sister to tell her that my husband was there. Her sister comes in and all of her attention was projected on my husband. Most of the time (and this was no different) I don’t pay attention to stuff like that, only because I’m above that.  Then one day, my sister in laws tells me that my brother in law’s wife got into an argument with everybody because I’m paying more attention to my sisters in law and not to her. From my pervious entry you would conclude that I either have a social problem with other female figures in my life, or I simply don’t understand what goes in the mind of others. Well.. I think I have both problems. When I first got married she tried provoking me by paying way too much attention to my husband only to get me jealous and mad. I admit that I was really mad, because of how rude she was. I just never showed it. I have a friend (who is the muse behind this blog by the way) who has an almost identical problem with her brother in law’s wife. What is it with brother in laws’ wives? If you’re married and have the same problem or at least understand it, can you please comment on this entry and help me understand the concept behind the jealousy here? I mean seriously! What do they want? What’s that thing we’re depriving them from? I know we’re not stealing their husbands or anything and I admit I’m not my in laws favorite (not that I care!) but she is! So, shouldn’t I be the jealous one here? I know my single brothers in law will eventually get married and I wish them all the luck in the world. You know what’s ironic? I found out lately that she was expecting my husband to marry her sister. Well apparently it didn’t happen! And her sister married a guy she has been in love with for years! So isn’t this a win win situation? She’s happy for her sister, but not for her brother in law. Can anyone please figure this out with me? Unsolved the riddle? Find an answer to the mystery? At least we might be able to figure out how people think. So do me a favor, if you’re in my shoes lets all figure it out. If you’re on the other side of this situation, please try to love everyone around you. Jealousy is a very very unhealthy thing. Cleanse yourself from the inside. Take a deep breath. Inhale deeply and exhale as all negativity leaves your being. Celebrate with me, because life is a satire.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Backstabbing, hate and more hate

If you’re still reading my blog, thank you. If you just started reading it, then thank you and please don’t give up on me! Last time I’ve been part of society, I didn’t really realize that it’s a jungle out there! Survival of the strongest. Really?? Since when! In all my years of employment I happened to have developed a syndrome. It’s called anti-backstabbing bitches syndrome. Seriously! What gives? I’ve switched employers a couple of times and my last employer. Well, let’s just not get there! Well, let’s! Why not! After all that’s the whole purpose of this blog isn’t it? Bashing people! In the last two years I happened to work with people who apparently have different mentalities than I’m used to. How you ask? Well, wait for the gory details! I don’t really understand the sense of insecurity a lot of people in our society suffer from, but apparently it existed way long before I’ve been part of it. I happen to have a good sense of fashion (yes I do! Live with it!) so on my first day of work, I had no idea my reputation has raced me all the way to the office. People were both intimidated and resentful of me. Even before seeing me. My name was probably too tainted for them (or was it my masters degree??) anyway, picture this! My first day in the office, I enter the office with a smile on my face and greet the “ladies” in there. And let me tell you that I don’t exaggerate when I say this, but there were two men and 20 women in that department. My first reaction was, oh crap! Tangible tangible negativity! So a new employee walks in (yours truly) and people just decide to hate her! I sat there on my desk extremely shocked. I mean when you think about it. Why would people just decide to hate you when they haven’t even said hello to you? That still blows my mind every time I remember it. For two months, they just decided that I wasn’t worth talking to. I tried complimenting their abayas (I cringe just thinking about it) pretending to be interested in whatever they like, etc etc. them on the other hand, refused to work with me, eat with me, respond to my morning greetings. three months of complete ignorance. In normal circumstances I normally confront someone who’d treat me like that, but on this case I just decided that maybe I should simply back off a little bit and observe. Of course in those three months I have been emotionally abused to the bone. The hints, the remarks and the tangible negativity in the air that had literally made the air thick! It was really awkward. Every morning I’d enter the office and greet invisible people who simply pretended that I haven’t existed. To make things worse, they started talking behind my back to others in other departments. Everybody around me knew of their jealousy. There was this time when a guy from a different department (and a different floor) has literally approached me to tell me not to let them get to me because they’re jealous. It took me three months to break the ice. They have realized that I really suck in the house department. I can’t cook, I can’t properly clean and I don’t understand the stuff they understand when it comes to soug al jomla (wholesale market). I think that broke the ice for them because they realized that probably I’m not as knowledgeable as they thought I was. I never pretended to know everything! I have an attention span of a fish! How would I be wise? Seriously! But guess what, that wasn’t the whole picture. They didn’t stop talking behind my back. Well ignoring me for a second, I was able to observe the environment as a whole. I realized that everybody talked behind everybody’s back. It was like a rite of passage. Befriend someone, talk behind their back and suddenly you’re likeable. Everybody would be your friend. Not because they liked you, but because you were able to extract the juicy secrets about someone and used them against them. It was weird to me to see how okay it seemed for two best friends to kiss and hug, but bitch about each other and backstab them. God forbid if an employee got a promotion. If it’s a guy, then he’s friends with the big wigs. If it’s a female employee then oh yes she slept around. It was too toxic. I couldn’t (and still can’t) believe that the mentality of some local women was this tainted. I’ve never worked with this big number of Emirati women before. The majority of my generation has probably gone to private schools, universities like Zayed where the education is mainly western or they have at least been watching shows like gossip girls, friends and desperate housewives. This has shaped them a little bit differently, and the fact that most of us in the working field have gotten mixed with people from different cultures, beliefs, genders and backgrounds has exposed us to different forms of working environments. The environment I have been working within in the last two years is different. I have been able to see a different side of the female spirit. Watch Hareem Al Sultan, it’s the same exact environment. The deceit, the backstabbing and the plotting, it’s the same exact spirit, and it’s really sad. Instead of them focusing on what would make them better people, they were focusing on how to stop the new people from applying new thoughts and ideas to the departments so they don’t look bad. Well I’ve reached my limits and to me enough was enough. You want to know the funny part? They begged me not to leave (but still bitched about me behind my back anyway. It’s what they do best) they keep telling me that “mekanee khalee” and I shouldn’t have resigned. What happened to me you say? Well I’m having the time of my life writing this blog. I’m not trying to expose them as human beings, but if you find yourself addressing the negative before the positive, seeing the worst in people instead of their best traits, well you’re one of them! And you’re doomed for life! No I’m just kidding! Just remember karma is a bitch! If you’re backstabbing someone, then beware because they might be writing a blog entry about you somewhere. I have noticed that in our society, this is not backstabbing. Simply, it’s addressing the flaws we don’t want to have (or so a lot of us think). Remember, you are not the judge of the looks, the behaviors, the clothes, the makeup, the upbringing and the environment. Hating on people for no reason would only affect you. You would grow to be bitter, despiteful and you will never be able to develop yourself as a person. You would simply be thinking about nothing but how to put people down only to feel good about yourself. Just because they get promoted and you don’t, it doesn’t mean that they slept their way to the top. Look within yourself and you’ll see what a little negative bitch you have been all along. It’s not them, it’s you. Love yourself, only then you’ll be able to cleanse your soul from all the hate you have for the world around you. Remember there are always people who are better looking, have better education and speak better English than you do. Don’t hate them for what they have achieved; love yourself to learn to step up to their level. In that office, I was the younger woman who has a master’s degree and her own sense of style. I think I just reminded them of everything they are not. Don’t be like that. People you know were not created by Allah to piss you off and disturb your buzz! They’re not there to mess up your mood. They are individuals who happened to probably work a little bit harder than you do. So don’t take their success as a personal offense to you. They did not do it to piss you off. You probably didn’t even cross their minds when they have gotten a higher degree, or bought that Abaya you couldn’t afford, or barged into the office in those louboutins you only saw online. Get over yourselves. If you’re not like that, then never change who you are, be yourself and celebrate with me, because life is a satire.   

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Who am I you ask?

First entry was probably confusing. It probably made sense to you and impressed you. If it did (yes you! You know who you are! It was YOUR idea) then thank you. I did not start this blog to talk about my life (hello! It says ANONYMOUS) I’ll be bashing society, marriage, in laws, families and whatever comes into my mind and I’ll start with my own life. Yes, I can bash my life all I want. Put in mind that this page has nothing to do with political views in any kind. I'm a woman, ánd I don't understand football, politics and cars. Some of you might believe that I’m a broken woman and I’m using the internet to create this persona. On the other hand, some of you might believe that I might be a very strong willed woman with a very weak husband who cannot control me. Both ideas are wrong, I’m a guy. Okay I’m just kidding! Well ironically I’m a very happily married Emirati woman. I come from a very happy well educated background. Life is not always personal. We live in a society and we humans live in groups. We do everything in groups, we’re not loners (loners either end up as serial killers or socially awkward beings, there I said it. It’s my blog I can say whatever I want. Live with it. You’ll see that a lot). Sometimes we like to see others screw up to feel good about ourselves. That’s how we are; we live our lives based on comparison. Didn’t most of us get the mini luggage celine handbag because it’s the IT bag? And most of our friends got it? Yes we did, I bet you all did! THEREFORE, we humans do look upon the life of others. We enjoy that little sneak peak about someone else’s life. The gossip, the secrets, all the hidden facts, that’s why we all follow the private personal lives of celebrities because they’re accessible. We like to read all those juicy stuff. Wouldn’t we like it if it was about that colleague of us who got divorced because (well I don’t know) she cheated on her husband with her brother’s best friend? Or maybe (just maybe) that girl in the finance department who just gave birth few months ago and now she’s pregnant with her second, third or fourth child? That’s why people ask about personal information once a girl gets married the juicy bits: how was it? Ha sawaito shai (the literal translation would be did you do anything? As in, did you get knocked up just yet?), what’s the gender of the baby, how far are you? When’s your due date? Where are you planning to deliver the baby? Why did you pick this hospital? So and so delivered her baby in that OTHER hospital and she was happy (yeah a woman in labor would have half the pain if she delivered her baby according to the map society draws for her). To summarize that, what I meant to say is, we don’t want to be the victim but the story about the martyr next door is our guilty pleasure. And you would read all of that in this blog. If you want me making fun of your life, sisters in law (if you don’t have those, you’re so lucky. I have half a dozen, but hey I’m not complaining.. just yet) you can simply email me on and I’ll gladly bash them for you. That’s what it’s all about, an anonymous blog making fun of life, marriage and people in general (exposing all the facts, but not the personality) . So celebrate with me, because life is a satire.  

Friday, December 21, 2012

Happy Anniversary

Marriage is not as picture perfect as many girls would think it is. It’s all about the dress, the wedding, the bouquet and the photographer isn’t it? Well let me tell you, it totally isn’t. Men are like horses (yeah I know, great picture). Well, they’re like horses, yes they are. They get scared of you so they either bite, refuse listening to you or trying to break you. In horse language they throw you off. So we will never understand them, they’ll never understand us.  First concept, anniversaries, we married women-and I’m no different!- expect our husbands to remember our birthdays, their birthdays, anniversaries, Eids, new year, valentines and every day in the world where we just expect gifts, flowers, chocolates and whatever it is we just want. I’m not sure if it’s us being all complicated and hormonal while men being practical.  Or men being robotic and have no emotions. As a woman, I’ll just talk about it from my own point of view. So anyway, back to anniversaries. My fourth anniversary was a couple of days ago. In the last couple of years I expected roses, a gift or at least dinner and I have gotten nothing because obviously he forgot (surprise, surprise). Of course being the drama queen that I am, you can easily guess the tears, the drama and all the “I’ll never celebrate my marriage to you ever again”. So I decided not to care (okay I admit I was expecting something.. anything) So, people started asking me about my plans.. MY plans. Why would I have plans? Shouldn’t it be OUR plan? HIM spoiling me? Making ME plans? Well I’m not really sure what should be done, but I just wanted something right? Just like that meme about women and what they want and when they want them. Yeah, I was like that. So a friend asked me about what I’m planning to do and I told her I’m not doing anything because I’m not in for disappointment. And she gave me words of wisdom. She said anonymous, expect an F, so when you get a D you celebrate. I expected a B last year and I got an F- (yes there is no F-, I know and I don’t care). This year I expected an F and acted accordingly. Guess what? He surprised me with a dinner invitation. I got a C, which ended as a win win situation isn’t it? Bottom line is, ladies don’t except an A. Marriage is sadly isn’t exclusively about us and our happiness. We make our happiness and celebrate it. So celebrate with me, because life is a satire.